One year later: what I’ve learned as a leadership coach
This past weekend marked my one year coaching anniversary - aka when I officially started my training to become a leadership coach.
One of the biggest things I've learned is that meaningful and sustainable change requires deep, vulnerable work. It doesn’t matter if you’re a leader looking to pursue a new career, or show up more authentically, or honour new boundaries in your life - it's necessary to confront the narratives, experiences and emotions that might be stopping you from moving forward before you determine your action plan.
Over the past year, I learned firsthand why the uncomfortable work was needed to get unstuck.
Facing my inner critic
When I started this journey, I saw myself as a victim of my circumstances. Between COVID, the rise in white supremacy and Anti-Asian racism, work pressures, personal grief and loss, I felt frozen by all the stress and trauma. I was at a breaking point but was unable to see my options because everything felt so out of my control.
Coaching taught me that we are often stuck because of four inner blocks: our inner critic, assumptions, interpretations and limiting beliefs. In my case, it was my inner critic reminding me that I was not enough. Over time, I was able to understand how my lived experiences as a second generation Chinese immigrant woman shaped that narrative of inadequacy. The process of unpacking this inner critic was painful but it helped me understand why I struggled to be proud of my whole self.
Acknowledging that all emotions are valid
Chinese culture taught me to repress my emotions because feelings are traditionally seen as a sign of weakness. Strong feelings like anger and rage =🙅 and are often viewed as disrespectful. Growing up in a patriarchal society also conditioned me to take up as little space as possible and shrink my feelings and needs.
Coaching taught me how powerful it is to have a space to feel your emotions without judgement, guilt and shame. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel acknowledged and validated? Confronting these internalized experiences from societal and cultural norms helped me feel all the emotions I had compartmentalized. Giving myself the choice to respond differently to these emotions empowered me to create a new, kinder narrative about myself.
Embedding these lessons into my practice
These learnings have changed how I show up as a leader and leadership coach.
As a leader, I am now making choices that are aligned to who I am rather than who I was or who I should be. I am boldly trusting my values and intuition to guide me through tough decisions and situations.
As a leadership coach, I commit to facilitating an intersectional coaching space for my clients to feel seen and heard. Even though my clients have different goals and intentions, the breakthrough usually happens after the deep, vulnerable work to understand how their lived experiences have shaped how they show up today. This process is critical to ensure that the client’s progress is sustained after the coaching partnership is complete.
The last year has given me powerful learnings to become more intentional as a leadership coach. It’s also empowered me to internalize a new narrative about myself - one where I am proud of my identity as a Chinese woman and how I show up.
