Why I choose courage over fear
Growing up in a second generation Chinese immigrant household, success was often defined by how hard you worked, how much money you made, how powerful your title was, and how stable your job was. For most of my life, I followed this definition of success unconsciously and never really questioned how it resonated with me. Or how it was shaped by other people’s expectations. Or how these expectations were reinforced in subtle ways on a day-to-day.
Over the course of my career, I made a bunch of unconscious choices to fulfill this definition of success. These choices took me across sectors and roles in municipal government, non-profit, management consulting, and tech. I worked hard, got promoted, made good money, and got recognized for how hard I worked.
On paper, I had a pretty successful career. The problem was that there was always an expiry date to every job I had - often that expiry date coincided with burn out. No matter where I worked, or how passionate I was about the mission, or how great my team was - work left me feeling like I was not enough. Not doing enough. Not good enough.
The past 2+ years forced me to unpack this pattern. With the help of therapy and coaching, I've realized how heavily my self-worth was tied to work and this version of success that had very little to do with who I am and what I care about. This realization forced me to interrogate how much I've been tolerating rather than desiring in my life. Having a safe space to get curious about why I show up the way I do and why I make the choices I make has been instrumental in shaping a new definition of success that's not anchored by external expectations. More importantly, it’s given me the clarity and confidence to change aspects of my life that are no longer serving me well.
The new insights I’ve learned about myself have been pivotal in helping me push past my fears to start my own leadership coaching and consulting practice. Having never considered entrepreneurship as an option until nine months ago, I can candidly say that I am winging it on most days. When it comes to running and growing a business, I have more questions than answers. The fear of failure and disappointing people who believe in me is a daily occurrence.
While I don’t know where this journey is going to take me, what I know is that…
I am making conscious choices that allow me to be unapologetic about who I am and what I want.
I am making conscious choices that remind me of the value I bring and the impact I can make.
I am making conscious choices that invest in people and things that bring me joy.
This is why I choose courage over fear.
